In the previous post we learned that recognizing manipulative behavior and doing something about it is one of the keys to success. In this post I am going to give you three other points about manipulative behavior that can help you in your success planning and take you to the personal and/or small business success you desire.
Keys To Success: Recognizing the Chinese Water Torture Treatment
One of the major components of the manipulator is what I like to call the Chinese water torture treatment. Years ago it was reported that the Chinese, to break a prisoner’s silence and to get information would allow water to drip on them constantly.
At some point, being no longer able to withstand the drip, drip, the victim would give in. Negative manipulators practice the Chinese water torture treatment. They believe if they ask enough or push their agenda enough….constantly repeating the question or request, just like water constantly dripping on you over and over again (reminds me of my children when they were young), that you will inevitably give in and give them what they want.
You can ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Sometimes that works. You can also tell them that asking repeatedly isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately overstepping boundaries…yours.
Keys To Success: Dealing With Selective Memory
In coaching success and in personal business coaching this can be a huge frustration for the self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional. Heck, it is frustrating for any individual. But, when you are running a small business or starting your own business employees, contractors or vendors with selective memory can be a killer.
When dealing with people who have selective memory conversations that took place didn’t and events that took place never occurred. What can you do? One of the keys to success, and I personally do this, if at all possible you need to hit the delete button and get them out of your life.
Since that may not be possible or practical at the moment you are going to have to put in some extra work. I will bring a pad of paper to any conversation. I will write down the key points in what is being said. I will follow up with an email of the points. Sometimes I will even send a letter. At times, with their permission, I record the conversation.
The only way to possibly gain the upper hand is to call them out with the facts with documentation and recording. Needless to say, these people are an extreme pain. They can’t be trusted. Unfortunately, natural selection is not going to get rid of them. You have to select to get rid of them.
Keys To Success: Dealing With The Manipulative Behavior Of Bullying
This one is a close second to selective memory. Manipulators, who bully, use intimidation and veiled threats to get their way. Their goal is to get their way by making you pay in the currency of fear. Fear that your good reputation is going to be tarnished. Or, even that some type of other harm or evil, yet untrue information is going to be disseminated about you.
They will do whatever they can to make you look bad or feel bad. With them it is not about “what’s right.” It’s only about “who’s right”. And, “who’s right?” It is always them.
How to deal with them? You can tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable. If that doesn’t work it is time to either delete them from your life or, if you can’t do that, delete yourself from them.
In summary, there are five behaviors of negatively manipulative people. They are buttering you up, guilt, the Chinese water torture treatment, selective memory and bullying.
As you strive toward greater personal development and small business success and growth recognize these behaviors and know what to do about them. Your keys to success are in who you hang with, and more importantly, what you do about them.
